And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently. Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible. In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery.
- We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding.
- Make sure that you are comfortable with your progress during recovery and that both you and the other person are ready to engage in the process.
- Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises.
- Then we make space for other people to hurt and heal—not just now, but into the foreseeable future.
Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your https://ecosoberhouse.com/ treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice. Living amends, in this event, can include making changes to the behaviors contributing to the falling out between the survivor and the person they owed an apology to. For example, let’s say a mother didn’t make an effort to escort her children to the school bus stop.
Teen Guide To Health
All we can do is get sober, be the best person we can be and, above all, be patient. In many cases, making direct amends to them is simply not possible. It’s much easier to just apologize and move on, but committing to living your life differently looks different. Making these types of life improvements typically requires that you work with a counselor or therapist who can provide an outsider’s perspective and objective view of your life. Making these types of life changes is difficult and requires lots of hard, emotionally-complex work, but it’s worth all the effort in the end. All types of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make!
Many times, these kinds of promises serve to alleviate the wrongdoer’s guilt and so that they can say they apologized before their loved one died. With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors. Living amends refers to making promises to the people living amends in your life whom you’ve wronged or who have hurt you. These promises focus on rebuilding your relationship with a loved one and moving forward from the pain of the past. It’s possible that the other person is unaware of the harm you have caused them, and making direct amends would make them aware and hurt them badly.
Family and Children’s Programs
Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego. As a result, the opportunity is lost to make things right if that person dies before they can apologize. Early recovery can be incredibly lonely and frustrating, and we may feel angry or rejected when a person doesn’t seem to recognize the growth we’re committed to making. We may want our children and families to love, accept and forgive us, but we shouldn’t confuse our wants with our needs. The process of making amends is not about us fixing everything—that comes in time and from going to meetings, attending to our recovery and cultivating a relationship to a Higher Power.
- What about the late nights that we kept our parents up worrying?
- In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine.
- Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother.
- Though this cannot undo or directly compensate for the initial mistake, it can serve as living amends that comes through a different way of being in the world.
- When someone I love and care about tells me that I did something that hurt or upset them, my first impulse is to show them how they’re wrong.
- In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin the process of making amends.
- The Native Americans understand that restorative justice was a process of accountability and repair that heals the entire community.
